Now you may ask, why the Duke Blue Devils? I'm not from North Carolina, so its not like the Dukies are some mortal enemy that I was ingrained to hate by family, peers and anyone else whom I took stock in. I don't even recall any lengthy stays in either one of the Carolinas throughout my life so that can't be it. Maybe its Coach Krzyzewski (by the way it took me 10 minutes to figure out how to spell that). Well no...the man is a genius. I have the utmost respect for Coach K. Any man who can do what he has done consistently should have gyms named after him...oh wait...So what is it about those athletes in the blue and white uniforms that makes me want to choke kittens?
Well that's just it...its the athletes. The basketball players in particular. You see I have no problems with the Duke football team, the lacrosse team, the baseball players, cross county runners, the rowers, wrestlers, tennis players, the golf team, the cheerleaders, or the synchronized swimmers. Its that basketball team that makes me not notice I'm strangling puppies until I look down at the floor and see...well...dead puppies.
Has there ever been a collection of people that you just didn't like? For me...its the Duke Blue Devils Mens basketball team. Allow me if you will to reintroduce you to this collection of unlovable individuals. (I'm only going back as far as I can remember so don't expect anyone from the 1930's)
Danny Ferry
Look at this guy...in my opinion this is where the Duke downfall started. This guy is a two-time All-American, but with his chest hair and stupid face...and now that he's the GM for the Cavs I have more reason to hate him. Give LeBron something to work with you stupid ex-Dukie!
Bobby Hurley
Sweet Mary, mother and Joseph....this guy looks like all the least popular boy band members had a love child.
Trajan Langdon
This guy was so hyped...Oh I can't believe we found this incredible shooter in Alaska...well there's your first problem....nothing good comes out of Alaska. Then of course he gets drafted by the Cavs...probably by Danny Ferry no doubt! (I know Ferry wasn't the GM in '99, but it all seems a little too cozy for me). Hope that the weather in Russia is similar to Alaska there Traj.
Grant Hill
~GASP~ Not Grant Hill!!! How could he!!! Here's the thing...I don't hate Grant Hill all that much, but look at these shoes...
Surely he had to o.k. these hideous things before being released to the public right?
Shane Battier
Once again another on the fence guy except I can't handle looking at those wrinkles in his head anymore. Surely at some point, Shane had some friends along the line who had to tell him that short hair was clearly not the way to go. (On a side note...remember the first time Scottie Pippen shaved his head? I think that was the first time Mike retired.)
Cherokee Parks
I don't know what more amusing about this picture...the way in which Cherokee throws it down with such authority....or the fact that someone actually asked Mr. Parks for his autograph.
Carlos Boozer
This guy has actually turned into a solid NBA player which makes me want to puke even more. Too bad he stabbed a blind guy in the back, renigged on his promise to the Cavs franchise and bolted to Utah. This is the the 5th event that set the Cavs back 10 years. In this order
- The MJ shot over Craig Ehlo. Nuff said.
- The hiring of Danny Ferry
- The drafting of Trajan Langdon
- Brad Daugherty's feet
- Carlos Boozer
As seen in this photo J.J. Reddick is singlehandedly responsible for white guys wearing big goofy t-shirts under their jerseys. Thanks J.J. your contribution will be noted when some poor 130 lbs. white kids suffocates under a 4xl t-shirt. Putz. Also don't let this guy be your sober skipper.
Josh McRoberts
Welcome to the 3rd newest edition on the list. I'm almost positive Bill Laimbeer got drunk one night shacked up with some hooker and the result...Josh McRoberts.
Greg Paulus
Is this kid having a seizure while he's playing? Shouldn't someone hold his tongue as he flings his body all over the place falling down at every given opportunity? Better yet...epileptic people shouldn't be allowed to watch Paulus play for fear of triggering their own seizures.
Kyle Singler
I don't know jack squat about this kid other than the fact that he looks like one of the Weasley Twins from the Harry Potter movies....but give me 3 more years of this one...and I'll hate him.
Which leads me to the grand marshall of our parade...
Christian Laettner
Ugh...I don't even want to write about this one. He's like all the qualities of a Duke Blue Devil...and therefore...I hate him...
(Note...no puppies or kittens were harmed in the writing of this blog...but hopefully a few Blue Devils were)
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